pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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