Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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