I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
