Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
