we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
