i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
