Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
