Don't you send me to vm
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
