I am in a vortex of obligation.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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