I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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