Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize
