you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
