Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
