Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
