Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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