I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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