I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
