Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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