wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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