If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
