ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
