i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
