Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
