she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
