I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize