I think my vagina is haunted
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
