Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize