Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
