hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
