I need to stop coming to work sober
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
