Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
