He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
