I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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