my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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