Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
