Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
