Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
