I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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