i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
