i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
