I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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