no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
