Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
