Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
