She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
