dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
