so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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