Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
