i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
