I can't breathe out the right side of my face
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
