hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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