Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
