Just fell off a train. Bad.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
