i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
