So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
