ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
