Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
