I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
