Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
