Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
