I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
