The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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