I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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