road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
