Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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