i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
